Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Classic Corner: Hush that Riff-Raff!

You don't have to be a star babbbyyy, to be in my showwww!” Who knew the title of Marilyn Mccoo and Billy Davis' smash hit would be so prophetic. Never has that line held such credence than in this day and age of “Just add water to produce celebrity” era. Anyone with an imagination (or lack thereof) can produce some of the most nonsensical, talentless, and ratchet (I've been waiting to use that word) material this side of a Sci-Fi original movie. (Man-Thing ring a bell? No, good! You've just added three years to your life and a free Churro) Enter Rif Raff !Now, I could have researched this guy on Wikipedia and proceeded to read his three line biography, edited by all six people who watched Spring Breakers. But why? Then again, when you're named after a term used by 70s pimps and one of the Cadillac Cats from Heathcliff, does it really matter where this guy hatched from? I did unfortunately stumble upon a still photo that showed Mr. Raff as a contestant on Fonzworth Bentley's show entitled ...Why would I know the name of a show that stars the man known as Benson: The Next Generation? I didn't bother clicking on the cap in fear that I may only have 72 hours to live.

However, my friend, and I use the term loosely, sent me the link to the gem of all gems: a freestyle over The Throne's Otis Beat by the one and only MC who eats “vegetables made by Versace.” Not saying the original was groundbreaking, but it was a decent offering from an aging Jay-Z and a Kanye West ,who has become a caricature of himself. Otis Redding would probably jump off the dock of the bay if he knew this abomination would be created by the mascot from the LFO reunion, hosted by the Young Black Teenagers with Vanilla Ice as the keynote speaker. Anyway, here are some general questions and observations I made after listening to this five mic material.Finding this video was no easy task. Youtube stated that the video was “muted” due to copyright infringement...righttttt! So let us all collectively thank and curse hell's basement, aka Worldstar Hiphop ,for access to this disasterpiece!

1 Should the term "Heebie Geebies" ever be used in a rap, let alone life?

2."Five Days Out The Week My Face On Your Sister's Poster" What about the other two days of the week? Does she take it down on Saturdays and hang it back up on Mondays? Doesn't that grow tiresome?

3.”I live the life of a Tampon”... (Too easy)

4.I'm pretty sure no one would go to a Hornets game if they knew this guy wore their apparel.

5. How high is your electric bill if you always leave the "lamp" anddddd the "amps on"?

6.What pray-tell is the”Rap game's Pat Sajak"  and how does one achieve such an esteemed title?

7.Notice when he says “Flash Gordon” he mimics a runner. That's because Flash Gordon, not The Flash, was known for his incredible speed!!

8.”No Braids...Braided Up.” Rick James would be proud of this instant contradiction.

9.Heathcliff, Heathcliff no one should, terrifies the neighborhood!! Don't act like that theme song is 10 times better than anything Riff Raff has or will ever create

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