Monday, January 2, 2017

Take Five: Biggest L(s) of 2016

by Da CogNegro

By now, you  should have fully recovered from your New Year's Eve hangover and come up with a rational excuse on why you vomited in your friend's flower pot when clearly, the toilet was only a mere three feet away from the scene of the crime! Anyway, the general consensus is that 2016 sucked! Or, as Don Lemon  put it, tequila and piercings for everyone!! Being that last year was the equivalent to garlic filled perogies, served with a side of  "Damn, she ran out of morning after pills", you may be saying to yourself "Why are we unearthing 2016 when we already  buried it with the neighbors' collection of Hentai trading cards  and our beloved pet gerbil: Sir Mittens?

2016 is the dog and you're the cat. Just play along. Trust me!

Did not like that illustration? Well maybe Soulja Boy can offer a better analogy:

So I was in my spot right and I heard somebody creeping in so I was like "Bow, Bow, Bow"! I took his mask off and was like  "Yo, that's 2016..Bow, Bow, Bow"

Whatever whimsical meme you decide to use to aid you in coming to grips with your feelings about 2016, let's focus on five events, or series of events, that made that year quite the suckfest!

5.The Panthers Lose Superbowl 50

Perhaps I may be basking in hyperbole, but no matter who you rooted for in the NFL, or even if you wren't a fan of football at all, everyone became a fan of The Carolina Panthers, more specifically Cam Newton, during the 2015-2016 NFL season. Newton seemed to represent a Superhero of color that had been absent from professional sports. He was able to overcome insurmountable odds while shrugging off all opposition, those on the field and those off as well. Equipped with a million dollar smile, playful charm and charitable deeds, we all were ready to fly into the winner's circle on Cam's back. His ascension was made even more pivotal due to the fact that we had experienced a systematic deconstruction of black male celebrities, that were held in high regard, as well as the deaths of a host of back males at the hands of the authorities. So when the Panthers were trounced by the Denver Broncos, we all let out a disappointing sigh that resonated  throughout our hollowed hopes and beyond the normal Monday water cooler chatter

4.XXL 2016 Freshmen Class

Dear God!!! When Moses spoke about the ten plagues, he neglected to tell Pharaoh that an eleventh one would descend upon humanity in the 21st century resulting in mass hysteria ,spiked sales of codeine and Molly and hip hop purist collectively slitting their wrist while listening to Eric B and Rakim's Paid in Full. If you happened to survive the Freshmen class' "cypher", and I do use the term loosely, then you are indeed the real MVP!  From 21 Savage's incessant references to himself, in the third person nonetheless, as if he was not aware of pronouns, to Kodak Black blaming the beat for his lack of English conjugation ,down to Designer's tribal chants, that I am assured conjured some tribal spirits to participate in some nefarious deeds, all pointed to the fact that we had fallen below mediocrity as it related to hip hop music. Yes, we sunk to a new level of hell that homes countless 4K televisions that have this very cyhper on an infinite loop. Thank you Lil Wayne, now come get your alcohol and weed induced offspring!

3.The Ones We Lost

My history of film instructor, rest in peace Mr. Russo, once told us that "Death is such an old disease."Despite the fact that is indeed apart of the circle of life, it still seems to be a force that is untimely. This year was the epitome of losing those who were pillars in their crafts and had left lasting imprints on the fabric of everyone's existence. Yes, celebrities pass every year. However, 2016 seemed relentless as each week, and in some cases, days, we were dealt another blow to our cherished memories and visions into the future that possessed these icons. And what hurts even more is that the void these individuals have left behind will never be filled. Cherish life for it is indeed a precious commodity.

2.That's The Sound of The Police

Keith Scott, Alton Sterling,  and Philando Castile are just three of the 250 African Americans who lost their lives, at the hands of the police, according to the Washington Post. Out of those 250, 39 of them, including the previously mentioned names, were unarmed. To add insult to injury, the officers responsible for the deaths of Tamar Rice and Frddie Gray, were acquitted of all charges as well.Such statistics are quite disturbing and continue to prove that more than mere police reform is needed to curb this societal scourge. We must continue to be vocal and steadfast as it relates to our beliefs and actions. Furthermore, more prominent individuals need to use their celebrity as a platform to speak out against such injustices.If not, then this item will be making another appearance on next year's list!

1.Him Downstairs...

I know I promised you  a full post election write up on the shenanigans that took place. However, when I got to my keyboard, my fingers couldn't move and my mind was unable to formulate complete sentences let alone a comprehensive and cohesive write up. Only then, did I realize that I had not finish grieving. Yes, like many Americans, I was still trudging my way trough the five stages of grief!

Denial: No way this guy just won! I'm dreaming right?  But, but the Huffington Post stated that Hillary had a 90%, or something like that, chance of winning!There must be some mistake! Ah! Yes! The voting machines had to have been tampered with. Also, Wisconsin hasn't got all their votes in as of yet. I wish Wolf Blitzer would fix that damn map to accurately portray the correct statistics!

Anger: I can't believe that over 40 million Americans voted for this buffoon who has no political experience what so ever. This guy is a reality star! How stupid are we, really?! Just wait..all of these idiots who voted against their self interest are in for a rude awakening. And guess what? It's going to be too late all because they don't possess the foresight to see beyond their own racist,misogynistic , homophobic and xenophobic beliefs! They rather put their faith in this small hand kamikaze pilot to lead our country to destruction! No one in their right man would think of approaching me today and attempting  to rationalize their reasons for voting for agent orange!

Bargaining: Well we still have the electoral college. Maybe if we get all of these individuals to sign this petition, they will see that there was an error. Yes, we live in a democracy so they have to listen to us. If we get the results overturned, I promise to be more proactive in getting my family and friends to vote. I will be more socially active and volunteer for more worthwhile events. Oh yes, and let me not forget to pray on the matter. God will  definitely get us through . It is in his hands and we have been faithful servants of him so I know he will fix this debacle.

Depression: I don't even want to go to work today. Ever since the election, I don't trust anyone. My skepticism is at an all time high. What's the use in voting anyway if the system is rigged? We are helpless and these vile politicians are going to send us back to a time where injustices to people of color, women, gay and lesbians as well as immigrants ran supreme. I just don't even know what to say or do anymore.Whatever....

Acceptance: To Be Determined.

No matter what 2016 meant for you personally, I want you to keep this in mind:
As we close out another year, focus on growth. Doing so will allow you positively effect those around you, as you will be better equipped to aid them, as well as bask in your accomplishments. This will result in you doing everything within you power to maintain that feeling. Yes, we encountered some hardships, suffered some loss, and experienced failure. Nevertheless, through those experiences, we were able to sharpen our skills, refine our output and ultimately, build our character. Enjoy the journey and continue to create new destinations as we reach the point in which we all become the masterpieces we are destined to be...Happy 2017 ya'll!!!  CgN