They Call Me Mr. Glass!!
Despite these random maladies, one of my fondest memories came after an extended hospital stay. I was in my living room one evening and suddenly, there was a knock! A tall, slinky man, wearing a strange hat and cologne that may or may not have been Old Spice... on "Dubs", proceeded to enter my abode. For all intensive purposes, let's just refer to him as "Dad". So"Dad", grinning like Don King after he just got finished charging Mike Tyson five hundred dollars for bath towels, hands me this mysterious gift wrapped box. I feverishly tore the wrapping paper to eventually reveal this:
It's a Me...Used Super Nintendo Box!!!
To this day, the SNES is hands down the most cherished console that I have ever owned! Fast forward some *Cough* 22 Years *Cough* and I am now at a curious crossroad. On the one hand, video games have been entertaining me since the age of 4. However, I no longer have a desire, outside of the occasional fighting or Batman game, to invest my time and energy into them. What's happened? How did a cherished past time transform into a unsatisfying activity? Let's investigate shall we...
5. Violent Content:
Now I am the furthest thing from a prude, saint or nun. But let's say I was nun. You bet your sweet collection of freshly minted pennies I'd be one of the best Nuns on The Run...
Anyway, violence in video games has been debated since the days of Night Trap and Mortal Kombat. However, due to the advent of graphics and other interactive bells and whistles i.e. vibrating controllers and 3-d technology, the violence has become less "cartoonish" and more realistic. I'm sorry , but I just don't get personal enjoyment from maiming prostitutes, killing a massive amount of innocent civilians in an airport or gouging out the eyes of a rouge God. And if you don't think this has an effect on one's pysche, then I have an autographed copy of Cool as Ice I would like to sell you!
( Seven Nominations Including Best Cruel and Unusual Punishment)
4. It's So Real!
I had heard rave reviews for Sony's Heavy Rain. So much so, that I decided to purchase it. To my surprise, I discovered that I had to wait around seven hours for it to download to my PS3. Yes, seven hours! The same amount of time it would take me to arrive in Delaware, not that I would want to go to Delaware because there's absolutely nothing to do there except wish that you were in New York. After I rubbed my hands together, as most homeless nerds do, I was ready to play. Oh wait, I have to sit through the screens of 15 developers that lent a hand in the making of this epic. OK, ready to play...nope, not quite! I still have to adjust the screen, and brightness, and the controller. Geez, I just want to play a freakin game! Now, I'm at the start menu! Time to press "Start" and... are you kidding me?! MORE LOADING!!! What the hell was the previous seven hours for?
(Playstation, You Warmed Up Yet? No? OK, I'll Come Back Later!)
The loading has ended and I'm ready for some prime time... cut scenes! Twenty minutes of narrative cut scenes because I clearly was in the mood to watch a movie! Finally,we arrive at the game and I'm commissioned to dress my character, pour a bowl a cereal, urinate and sort through mail! Wait, did I miss something here? Did I really just make my character take a leak? I don't even want to do these things in real life! I'm done! Time to trade this game in...15 cent trade-in value?! I paid forty-seven dollars for this s.....
I remember when Super Mario Bros 3 was released, and trust me it was a BIG DEAL! So big in fact, that there was a whole freakin movie dedicated to its' unveiling! Despite the multitude of games and consoles that have been released since its' debut , SMB 3 is still one of the most beloved and revered video games of all time! Why was that moment so special? Because video games weren't released every week across a multitude of platforms. Between consoles, the Android Market, Apple Store, Xbox Live, Playstation Network, handhelds etc, there is literally a smorgasbord of titles to choose from! You see, the word "backlog" didn't exist back in my day. Why? Because you weren't allowed to receive another game until the one you were currently playing was conquered!(Sucks if that game happened to be Bayou Billy though). The result? Appreciation has been diluted and instant gratification now reigns supreme. I have at least fifty games, from last gen alone, and I can honestly say, that I haven't played many of them for more than ten minutes at a time! If it doesn't instantly grab my attention, I move on to the next. Add that with the steep learning curve and you have a recipe of quantity outweighing quality. Or maybe I'm still mastering how to sort through my mail in Heavy Rain!
(The breaker of many souls...and Wrangler Jeans)
One of the joys of completing a game was the fact that you would unlock something that was not available upon purchase. Some of these gifts of man included new levels, difficulty settings and best of all , characters! Or how about the use of cheat codes to grant you invincibility, palette changes or EXTRA LIVES?!?!?!
(Dun Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnnnn Dun Dun)
So how did greedy developers take advantage of our love of "unlocakables? Well, let's take them out of the game and charge the players to have access to them. That's right, instead of feeling rewarded for putting in hours to successfully beat that boss on the master level in order to use a new character, I now have to purchase said character for $9.99. Really? You already have these extra facets developed, why not just include them in the game? Don't worry folks, if you don't want to purchase the Downloadable Content, simply wait for the upgraded edition to be released 5 months later for the low price of, wait, it's the same price as the vanilla edition I just bought?! Give me a break!
1.On line gaming:
(Random Friday Afternoon)
"Hey fellas, you want to have a game night?! "
"OK you bring your controllers, I already have two."
"Amir bring your copy of Power Stone 2"
"Yo i'm going to order some pizzas"
Remember those times? Now the only thing we have to do is strap on a head set that makes us look like Paula Abdul in her heyday , find a server, or room ,or whatever terminology that's used, and get our a** handed to us by some random eleven year old who can't spell 2+3 but has mastered the 150 hit combo with Zangief. Sounds like fun to me! Not to mention that these Garbage Pail Kids liberally curse at you, or worst, use the "N" word with no fear of reprisals! Unfortunately, I can't punch them in the face with my Power Glove ,that I bought from a garage sale in High-Point, North Carolina because they live in some tree house in Nebraska!. Happy gaming folks- CogNegro Out