Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Take Five: Women You Should Avoid!

5. Ms. "Me Love you Long time" in no time!
How many of you fellas have been engaged in a decent,initial conversation on the phone and the female on the other end pauses, sighs, and utters the  following words to you: " You know, I really... really like you!" Whoo Hoo! You think you've hit the jackpot right? You might even engage in a little (looks at camera) hip hop dancing!

Get it, get it!!!

However, what  follows that  hasty deceleration are third outing plans, road trips, baby sitting schedules and baptismal dates! And this is all suggested before you guys  even have your first  official date!  In the words of  Antione Dodson, "Hide your wife, hide your kids"! A huge red Family Feud "X" should sound off so loud that it should awaken Steve Harvey's old hairpiece! Being that this female has come to this conclusion with out building a solid rapport ,foundation or even knows that you enjoy your Chef Boyardee with added oregano, it could possibly mean that she is emotionally fickle.Do you think you are the only guy that she has fallen for in a mater of 60 seconds?Absolutely not! So unless you want to be on the other end of disappointment, take this as a warning sign and moonwalk out the room accordingly *Shamone*

4. Ms.  "Take My Luggage Bell Boy "
We all carry emotionally baggage from previous encounters with the opposite sex. Such experiences should be stepping stones to building a better "you", which includes strengthening self worth and being able to recognize the treatment you deserve. However, some of us have  had a hard time NOT allowing past experiences  to dictate our present and future. I've had some women tell me that I'm going to hurt them,  in three weeks, due to the type of shoes I was wearing! Or the way I fold my napkin reminds me of their ex boyfriend, which means I may not pay taxes and  will cause them and their child to be put out of their home.Or if I don't pick up the phone, I was busy running a bordello out of the local Chick Fila. Not to mention, these women possess keen detective skills that can surely land them a couple of guest roles on CSI. Problem is, this mixture of paranoia, mistrust, and dejection is a Molotov Cocktail just waiting to explode!

Where are you going? To the restroom? Why? Didn't you pee two days ago!?

3. Ms. "Independent"
I love and appreciate a woman who has been able to gain success through hard work and dedication! Such practices have enabled her to have choices in life, which I find to be quite attractive and at times, motivating. I salute you all! However, if you encounter a female who  consistently walks around with a megaphone that has a Rosie the Riveter or Oprah bumper sticker plastered on it while shouting to the masses that she is a "Boss", "Independent" , has seventeen degrees or doesn't need a man to in her life, chances are you may be dealing with a highly insecure woman!

 People who are certain about themselves and their abilities need not take out ads next to Marlboro Cigarette billboards to announce their success stories! These individuals will  eventually, subtlety or overtly, remind you of your uselessness or emasculate you to the point that Bruce Jenner will tell you to "man up."  She may even do so in public!Leave them alone and let them enjoy their trips to the Bahamas at age 40+ ,accompanied with their other lonely friends,as they futility search to get their groove back.

2.Ms. "Material Girl"
I once dated this female who was audacious or stupid enough to say the following to me: " It's not like I don't pay my rent ...

I'm going to let you finish your quote CogNegro, but If anyone has ever started a sentence with the phrase, "It's not like I don't pay my rent", they've auditioned, at least twice, to be in a Juicy J video.

but I go hard in the paint for what I want! Clearly I had no idea what the hell she spoke of because that statement had no relevance to what was being discussed previously. So as I patiently waited to see "Ol girl" was trying to say, she proceeded to explain that when she sees something she wants, she goes for it! Ok, whatever!. What followed was an anecdote on how she eat Top Ramen noodles for two weeks in order to purchase a Fendi bag. (Sigh). No wonder I paid for all of our dates, you never had any damn food in your kitchen.! Such females are nothing more than parasitic entities who will use you until they have had their fill, throw your dried husk on top of those empty bags of Top Ramen, and fly off into the moonlight to leech off their next naive victim. But the material girls aren't just gold-diggers, no! They can also be classified as women, who are able to support themselves, but  are so consumed with materialistic possessions that their identity becomes synonymous with the brands or items they possess. Ever had a conversation with a woman and they proceed to go down a laundry list of  designers that only casting director of some random  Mona Scott reality show would be privy too? It can be quite off puting.

1.Ms. "Dr Frankenstein."

Ah the creme de la creme! These are indeed the most dangerous type of women you can encounter.These ladies may not present any glaring flaws or ornate issues . In fact, they can be quite charming, benign, engaging and even attentive. However, my father has an old saying, that he often shouts from another room, "Boy, the sun don't shine on just you"! These women are looking for the "the perfect mate" and they come to the conclusion that this is not a plausible feat, they begin to date various guys who possess one or more of the traits that they desire...SIMULTANEOUSLY!!! For example, Ryan may be the one that makes her laugh while Jimmy stimulates her mentally. But let's not forget DJ who has been known to be a wizard in the bedroom. Did I mention Alex? You know, Alex, the one who is a great listener and emotionally supportive. Dr. Frankenstein has no intentions of committing to any one of these gentlemen. Whenever there is a need to supplement a personal void, she will simply contact one of her "parts", interact with him until she is satiated and rinse, lather, repeat with he next "sap".


  1. #5 & 4 has to be the scariest out of bunch...I will forward this to my females to get there opinions. Good article!!!

  2. Hyperbole and humor not withstanding (I understand that’s the desired dialect of the internet), I think this post is more than a little… myopic? For starters, there’s nothing about these categories of women that is gender-specific. The easiest and most obvious way to be less sexiest is to open this list up to “people” and not just “women.” If you think there are no men out there who fit these descriptions, I have a toll booth on the NJ Turnpike that I’d love to sell you.