Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Take Five: Women to Avoid (Reader's Response) !

Last week, I published what was perhaps the most  viewed ,debated and controversial entry in this blog's history, which can be found at this link here.  As stated in the outset of  the blog's revamp, one of the purposes of this space is to spark constructive conversation, even if opinions differ from my own. So, without further ado, here is one reader's take on last week's write up:

Hyperbole and humor not withstanding (I understand that’s the desired dialect of the internet), I think this post is more than a little… myopic? For starters, there’s nothing about these categories of women that is gender-specific. The easiest and most obvious way to be less sexiest is to open this list up to “people” and not just “women.” If you think there are no men out there who fit these descriptions, I have a toll booth on the NJ Turnpike that I’d love to sell you.

5. We’re not children anymore, and time is precious. If a woman has enough discernment to know that she’s digging you right away, then maybe she’s trying to help you out by letting you know that. Why the games? Why the waiting to call back, playing the coquette? Is the real red flag here to stay away from a woman who’s decisive and knows her own mind? I can understand how that might be a little scary.

4. Baggage is an equal-opportunity buzz-kill. Unfortunately, most of us will be on the receiving end of someone else’s terrible mistakes. Yes it’s a sad state of affairs that everyone who damages has been damaged also, but it’s the lay of the land. No, you shouldn’t have to pay for her last man’s mistakes. But she shouldn't have to prove to you that she’s different from your ex. On the flip side, why should we forget what we’ve learned, for better or worse, if we see similar patterns at play? A lesson hard-learned is still a lesson.

3. I read somewhere (I know I should cite my sources, but this is the internet—if you want to know that bad, look it up) that the phrase a woman most wants to hear isn't “How can I help?” it’s “I’ve got it.” “I’ve got it,” as in “You don’t have to ask me. I pay enough attention to know what needs doing, and I’ll just do it.” Be a doer. You won’t even notice her independence if you’re too busy getting s*** done. Also? Reverse psychology 101: Did it ever occur to you that the ones who are most vocal about “doing it for themselves” are the ones who need the most help? Finally, if she puts work in and gets things done without making any announcements, but you want extra belly rubs for taking out the trash? That might be why she doesn't ask you.

2. No, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but if that cover is printed in satin and gold, then it stands to reason that it may consider itself “top shelf.” This is not to excuse materialism, this is simply to say read the signs and know what you’re asking for. You want the "flyest" chick in the club that night? That flawlessness comes at a price, as does everything. And if she’s done the cost-benefit analysis, then our material girl is probably trying to make sure that her time, cost and sweat equity (yes, that time in the gym) yields a worthwhile result. See that stone on the ground near our material girl? Pick it up and throw it, and you might just hit our independent woman because they could be two sides of the same intimidating coin: on one side, “Can you do this for me,” on the other “I can do this for myself.”

1. I’ve heard more times than I can count that women are “complicated,” but I think we’re mistaking complicated for complex. And it’s not just women—all of us are complex, multifaceted individuals with many interests, needs, perspectives… If no one has communicated an exclusive or monogamous relationship, then why can’t she have more than one suitor? Should she drag her favorite jock to the theater when he couldn’t care less? Should she call up her rom-com loving snuggle buddy, when what she really needs is… ahem, some chiropractic alignment? Trying to get everything from one gentleman is a surefire way to be branded “needy.” And we know how much people love to bandy that term about when it comes to women.

Truth is, with the exception of baggage (and that’s just a given at this stage, so suck it up), these are all traits that, in the right context, would be desirable. Ms. #5 is affectionate and communicative; Ms. #4 has a history which makes her empathize with your own wounds from the past; Ms. #3 is self-sufficient and probably a good caretaker, to boot; Ms. #2 takes pride in her appearance, the very same appearance that made you look twice in the first place; Ms. #1 is probably the cool girl who doesn't put too much pressure on or demand too much from you. So, perhaps re-framing what you see will help you better understand what you get?

So what are your thoughts? Sound off in the comment section below. I know I will!

-CogNegro Out


  1. This isnt what i thought it would be and I am glad there wasn't any woman bashing. However insightful and tasteful. Its all about what you will put up with and or sacrifice. Everything is a compromise. Would be nice to have a reversal of this as well. "5 types of men to avoid"

  2. Although you get points for putting creative spins on the initial descriptions, your responses reek of finger pointing (Well Guys are Flawed too) and views through "rose tinted glasses" that breakdown into generalized rationalizations that absolve the subjects from personal responsibility for their egregious behaviors and attitudes. There also seems to be some misconstrued meanings derived from the descriptions. For example, I did not demonize the independent woman! In fact, if you pay close attention, I praised her and even cited that she should be seen as means of motivation to her male counterparts. It was the demonstrative attitude that is displayed by the insecure, which seeks to tear down her male counterparts, that I was mocking. In addition, to suggest that someone who seeks to create a foundation or is leery of someone who can make such a compulsive declaration of attraction is synonymous with adults playing games is a bit,to borrow your term,myopic don't you think?