Thursday, June 30, 2016

Take Five: You Suck at Parenting (The Cereal Edition)





by Da CogNegro:

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, right? Well, "they" obviously haven't met the makers of these sugar infested inventions known to include free juvenile insulin pumps. And guess what, you caused this! Instead of ignoring the tantrums of your spoiled brat, you decided to send him or her a one way ticket to a Cedric The Entertainer Public Service announcement by given in to their banshee howls and Hamilton marches conducted to the disgust and delight, of all present in supermarkets across the country . Anyway, what's done is done!



5.
CogNegro's Take: If you fed this to your children at any times during  their formative years, you deserved to be stuffed inside that specially marked duffel bag!




4.
CogNegro's Take: All out of donuts cereal? Don't worry, I'm sure a bowl of sprinkles will be able to provide your children the nutrients they need
3.


CogNegro's Take: 
As if little Jimmy didn't already have a difficult time reciting his alphabet in school, this "balanced" breakfast of ice cram cones and sweetened milk will only enhance this kid's ability to bounce off the walls like a Pokemon who's been charged with multiple DWI(s) and late child support while being locked away in solitary confinement!


2.
CogNegro's Take: Artificially Flavored? Clearly you jest! What can be more natural than a cereal based on a candy that has been known to cause Vietnam night terrors in lab rats? Oh wait, did that say two flavors?! Yes, that means we get double the spoonfuls of Minotaur hooves and pencil shavings!


1.
CogNegro's Take: Now this entry has nothing to do with sugar content at all but when did Sandusky get out? Allowing even a portrait of this man to enter your home shows that you are more clueless than a Kardashian during Final Jeopardy. And about that nest egg you've got stowed away for the kids' college fund, you may want to save that for their therapy sessions, due to their meth addiction, that's sure to follow after going on King Vitamin's  "Treasure Hunt".




-CgN






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